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| Sunday, August 03 2008 05:58 PM |
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Subject: Base Weblog |
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Californians are annoying during Earthquakes. |
As many of you probably saw on all the news outlets, California just had an earthquake. I have lived in California for almost 10 years on the nose, and during that time, we have been in what’s known as a seismic lull. I think the last big one I felt was in ‘99. That one woke me up around 3:00am. However, last Tuesday’s earthquake, while only moderate causing minor damage, served as a reminder for me about my disdain for the California culture.
Here’s the way I see it: In California, there are two types of people in terms of quakes.
1) People that want to live.
2) People that motherfucking want to die.
I fall into group 1. I am proud to be in group 1. If there was a t-shirt for me to wear symbolizing my group oneness, I would wear it a few times a week.
People in group 2 are pretty easy to figure out. They say things like,
“It’s no biggy.”
“Just another California day.”
“I’ve lived here all my life.”
Note to all these people: Your not fucking Pasadena, because if you were, you would be in Pasadena. What the fuck? So you know the quake will not be big? You should call the Japs immediately, there is a job waiting for you on a Kyoto street corner wearing a tin-foil hat. Bring a tip cup and your Dodgers jersey, you’ll do well.
Let me explain the group 1 mentality. You suddenly feel the room start shaking. You mentally note that the room is shaking. Next, you get the motherfuck out of the building. It’s fucking go-time. I don’t ride shit out. I don’t crawl under desks. I just go….out the motherfucking door. I don’t say things like, “I’ve lived here all my life, no biggy.” Look dickweed, you can just write your Cali biography down on your Starbucks napkin, I’ll be outside anxiously waiting to read it when the earth stops moving. Only in California would someone actually think enough of themselves to start babbling about their life story when a natural disaster is occurring.
To finish reading, click here:
http://surfelport.com/?p=26 |
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